2. Fresh Lime Soda... Salted

“WHAT?” I shrieked. “What on this bloody Earth would give you that idea?!”

Think-man-think… You either come up with a gigantic big daddy of an excuse, an excuse so good that even your mother would be proud to have given birth to you… or… or it's simply the time to say goodbye to your new job... again!

“Because it smells like it, Mr. Tambura and apparently you are standing on it I believe!”

Doomed! Bye-bye fourth job, it was nice knowing you.

I held back my real emotions and gave a final shot trying to pull off the impossible “Of course it is, some A-hole left a glass of lime juice right in the middle of the floor which I stumbled upon in the dark. I would have also shown you the broken glass pieces if I hadn’t thrown them in that recycle bin over there.”

“What? But…” his expressions now looking like a question mark... as if it had a face.

“I understand what you are thinking. The juice must have been a few days old because if it was fresh it wouldn’t have smelled like this, right? And the way it smelled I believe we need to check the expiry dates of all the juice-cans we keep. Correct me if I’m wrong but any wise man in your position would have come to this very conclusion. Isn’t that right Mr. Handa?”

“Yeah… I guess. But-” his face now looking more puzzled than ever.

“Don’t you worry sir,” I cut in “I’m going straight to check the stock of lime juice and throw the bad lot out right away!” saying that I started walking.

"Wait-" I knew it! I mean what kind of an idiot would believe the lime juice story? I should have said something smarter. "Do you think I'm a fool?" he continued "I understand the lime juice, but what about the alcohol that you are reeking of? I can smell it from here!"

"That's enough acquisitions for a day Mr. Handa!" somehow confidence kicked in, probably because my first kid (lime juice) passed the test. "I know it smells of alcohol and that is what I came here to see when I tripped over the glass and fell. Lucky, I didn't get hurt. If I hadn't come in, it might have been you on the glass pieces. And instead of thanking me you are just blaming me for things I haven't done."

Mr. Handa - speechless. That's a tough one.

"It's really upsetting Mr. Handa. Oh god, I need the day off... I don't think I'm feeling alright. And if you don't mind, could you please ask someone to bring me a glass of fresh lime soda, salted?"

"Uhh...yeah, sure!" he replied, still trying to process what just happened.

1. Cold Heaven

It's quiet, cold and wet... I was expecting heaven to be a little more - I don't know - classy maybe?! Something's really funny about this place.

 

"Hello!"

 

The sudden voice startled me. I quickly turn back to see who it is but for some reason everything felt frozen and my movements appeared to be in slow motion. I turn back to see a short guy, fat, almost bald if not for the few moustache like strands right above his forehead staring at me with a very weird look. I couldn't actually make out what he was feeling because there was bright light appearing from behind him which was dazzling my eyes.

 

"Hi, umm... Am I lost?" Apparently that was the smartest thing I could think of to say at that time.

 

"Are you? Well, this looks like a pretty small place for you to get lost you know!"

 

"Oh!... he-he... umm... well... I... er... I have... I have a stupid question..."

 

"Seriously? Yeah sure, why not!" He replied looking at at his wrist.

 

"Are... r-r... Are you God?"

 

"Uh, under the given circumstances, yes you can say so!" He did sound quite convincing.

 

"Wait, am I dead? And is this hell... because it surely doesn't feels like heaven?!"

 

"Interesting! Do you remember how you came here?"

 

"Uhh... no! in fact I don't even remember who I am!"

 

"Can you try to remember your name?"

 

"No... I can't! And what's with the cold and wet feeling? That strange smell... It's familiar but I can't really point what it is."

 

"Ok, that's it! Your name is... %#$@&"

 

"What? Can you say it again?"

 

"It's... @#&%$"

 

"Sorry, can you be a bit more louder? I'm not able to understand what you are saying."

 

***

 

"Jayantilal..."

"Jayantilal..."

"Wake up Mr. Jayantilal Tambura!"

 

"Day-dreaming again, are we? This is the third time this week!" There he was, shift supervisor & my boss Mr. Handa. About 5 feet tall, fat, almost bald. And figuratively, yeah he was kinda like God at this moment.

"I have started getting the feeling that it really doesn't matter what I ask you to... what... What happened? What are you looking at?"

"Wh-whe... where am I?" I replied, still trying to get a grip of what's happening with a dizzy head.

"Mr. Tambura, you are standing inside the cold storage room of the hotel where you work! Do you understand what that is? The cold place where you store food ingredients which helps them from getting spoilt!"

"What? How did I reach here?"

"Exactly my ques... What's that smell? It smells like... HEY... DID YOU PEE IN HERE?"

Shit!